Ezekiel’s finally starting to get over the idea that nearly everything in life is “carewee”. It started at Halloween when he was pee-in-the-pants scared of the decorations in a restaurant where we ate one night. After that, nearly everything had some element of scariness to it. It’s getting much better, and he even seems intrigued by the scary things.
In yesterday’s post, I talked about our wish to start another adoption at some point. Today I looked through the fee schedule our agency sent us to do a second adoption. It made me feel sick to my stomach and scared to death. I wondered how in the world Dave and I did it last time? We are not wealthy by any means. We’re definitely not poor either, but we don’t have tons of extra income after paying bills and whatnot. And life keeps happening, bringing in expenses we weren’t anticipating, making it hard to save up much money. The adoption credit on our taxes this year will be an incredible help, but it will mostly help to pay off the loan we used for Ezekiel’s adoption. We will get more help on next year’s taxes because we didn’t use up the adoption tax credit on this year’s taxes. But that’s a whole year away. I know we can take out more loans to pay off, but I just don’t want to. I’d really love to live as debt-free as possible.
The other thing that has me wondering is that the Philippines has a moratorium in place right now. No new applications are being accepted for children under three years of age. We really don’t want to adopt out of birth order right now, which would mean that if the moratorium doesn’t lift, we’d have to wait another year to request a child who is a year younger than Ezekiel. It seems that the wait times in general have increased greatly in the Philippines, so already we’ll probably be waiting three years from the time we start our adoption before bringing a child home. That’s part of the reason that I want to start another adoption sooner than a year from now.
A conundrum.
Today I read this article, and it made me a proud Minnesotan. I was excited to read that Minnesota has the highest rate of international adoptions than any other state. One of our senators (Klobuchar) has been a leader in pushing through bills regarding adoption. Supposedly the new ones she’s trying to push through will help make adoptions a little easier. That would be awesome because we’re finally getting to the point where we’re ready to think about adoption again. Yes, it took me nearly a year to settle into and feel comfortable in the new normal that our lives have become.
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Today I was driving Ezekiel to Katie’s house (kind-of-daycare). It’s snowy out today (surprise surprise), and we are under a Winter Storm Warning. The roads were a little slick and snowy, but nothing the old Subaru couldn’t handle (still loving that car). I was driving along following a smaller white car on the highway when suddenly I saw a Ford Explorer in the opposite lane come into our lane and start swerving. The Explorer flew in between me and the car driving in front of me and just missed both of us by mere feet. I kept driving and pulled over into the nearest farm driveway I could find. As I passed the white car that had been driving in front of me (she pulled over right away), I noticed she was crying but okay. I called Dave and as soon as he saw that I was calling, he knew something must have happened and his voice sounded worried. I assured him that we were okay, just feeling shaky. I decided to just turn around and keep Ez at home with me today.
I’m wondering what it will take to convince Dave that we need to live somewhere else from Jan-Mar… We both could telecommute for work for the most part during those months. Where would my dream winter home be?… hmm, off to dream.
As I type this, I’m sitting next to my most favoritest two-year old watching our first ever full-length movie – Kung Fu Panda. Ezekiel is glued to the tv. He doesn’t even sit still this long for Sesame Street. He laughs at the silly moments and gasps at the scary ones. It’s really amazing to see how well he understands what he’s watching.
I worked today, but as soon as I was back home and Eze was back inside from playing in the snow, he was Mama’s boy. Anytime he needed to go to the bathroom he’d ask for Mama. He is snuggled and holding onto my arm, with his head on my shoulder while we watch our movie. Cue the melty heart. We decided to take an idea from Dave’s brother’s family and have Pizza Party Friday where we eat homemade pizza in front of the tv. I think this is one of my favorite nights we’ve had in a long time.
Tomorrow we are heading down to my parents’ house (after yoga – I heart yoga). My Gran Alice is staying with them and we haven’t seen her in a quite a while so we’re looking forward to getting some hugs and kisses from her. Then on Sunday we get to have lunch with friends and go watch the Superbowl at Dave’s sister’s house. I’m excited for a fun family weekend!
The poop part of potty training just may be the death of me. Criminey. It’s a good thing it’s yoga night otherwise you just might find me wandering the streets of Wac-town with crazy eyes, rubbing my hands together, mumbling swears under my breath.
…but I couldn’t resist posting this picture of Mr Ezekiel the Big Boy.
So proud of himself
Yesterday Dave told Eze that he was going to the grocery store and bringing him along. Eze asked, “Go in airpane? Peez??”
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My brother taught him a new trick. Whenever he tells a joke now, he ends it by pulling on his collar and saying, “Ai yi yi”. Then Dave one-upped that by teaching Ezekiel to say, “Ay Dios Mio” at the end of his jokes. Last night he told us, “NO!” when we asked him to do something, then told us (when he saw our Eze-is-in-trouble-faces), “I jut kidding”. We have a comedian on our hands.
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He loves to announce when he’s gone in the potty chair or toilet. But he still hasn’t figured out the difference between the two, so he always tells people, “Ee-ee poopee in potty!” He has yet to take care of that kind of business, but he’s starting to get peeing down. So proud. Oh, and for a while he thought he couldn’t go with Dave in the room, only I could be in the bathroom.
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Here is a conversation I had with an older woman on our way to AZ (right after we landed and were waiting to get off the plane):
Lady: What a sweet boy! He was such a angel on the flight!! How old are you, little boy?
Eze: Two!
Lady: Oh what a sweetie.
(Ezekiel reaches up to touch the lady’s chin to get her attention. I inwardly cringe wondering why I’ve never taught him NOT to touch stranger’s faces, they may not like that)
Eze: Who dat? (pointing at her husband)
Lady: That? Oh, that’s Grandpa.
Eze: OH!! I LIKE Grandpa!!!
Lady: (melts) Oh well I am a grandma!
Eze: OHHH! I like Grandpa AND Grandpa!!!
(The rest of our neighbors on the plane got a good chuckle out of this type of non-stop running commentary from the airplane all the way to baggage claim)
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I have an Uncle Rollin and an Uncle Brian who were both down in Arizona this week. Ezekiel now calls Rollin “Rollie” and Brian “Brollin”.
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At 4:something in the morning the first morning we were in Arizona, I was sleeping in bed with Ezekiel (it was a restless night sleep for both of us). Suddenly he bolts up in bed and says, “Ee-ee look at cactus”. Yep, still obsessed.
(status-update-style) (and a bit random)
Ezekiel and I are home from a beautiful trip to AZ (in more way than one).
My grandpa’s eyes absolutely lit up when he saw Ezekiel (oh, and his mom 
).
Ezekiel has suddenly decided he is a grown boy and doesn’t need diapers anymore and is full-fledged potty training (all thanks to me forgetting to bring a diaper for him after swimming yesterday).
Ezekiel was an absolute angel on the flights to and from Arizona (and that’s an exact quote from the complete strangers sitting behind me on the way there).
I have a theory that Ezekiel knew he needed to be low-maintenance on this trip for this mama to survive. Now that we are home he feels safe to be cranky and whiney and incredibly tantrummy. I’m okay with that b/c I have my Dave now (but may need a glass of wine after listening to it).
My grandma’s memorial service was nice. My favorite part was the Broken Circle by the Gideon’s (you know, the people who put Bibles in hotels? My grandparents and uncle are proud Gideons). They stood in a large circle holding hands singing the hymn, “Blest Be The Tie That Binds” with a gap where my grandma would normally stand.
I still don’t think it’s totally hit me yet that my grandma is gone, even with the trip down there. I think it will hit me most when my grandpa comes up in the spring/summer to live with my parents (as my grandparents did for the past 2 summers). My grandma was always out picking raspberries with Ezekiel or playing with him when my mom watched him last summer. And we played games with them a few times during the summer. I’ll especially miss hearing my grandma come up the stairs each time I was there and saying, “Oh hey, Rach!” and giving me a hug.
There were two different times that I thought my Aunt Lu was my Grandma Lu (I also have a cousin Lu, but they all have different endings to their names – Luella, LuAnn, Lucia). My grandma and aunt don’t look exactly alike, but there is something in her manner and her posture that had me stop for a split second and think through what was going on.
My Aunt Lu bribes Ez with M&Ms. She was awesome help on the flight home today keeping Ezekiel occupied with drawings of cacti (yep, the obsession continues).
Although I wasn’t happy to feel the weather when I stepped off the plane, I was more than happy to hug and kiss my Dave when we found him. I love that man.
Last night I was a little bummed when Ezekiel was asking if we were going to go on an “airfane” instead of saying, “airpoor” like he used to. I want him to talk like a baby forever.
Tonight Ezekiel and I are flying down to Arizona to be there for my grandma’s memorial service down there. I’m looking forward to hugging my grandpa and remembering my grandma with our family and their friends. I’m a little nervous abou traveling with Ezekiel by myself, but my sister pointed out to me that Ezekiel will be great comic relief to everyone down there who needs a boost.
There is so much going through my mind right now that I’d like to write about my grandma. Her relationship with Ezekiel being at the top of that list. But right now my mind is filled with planning our trip. I think keeping my mind busy is keeping me from really processing the loss. Once we get down there and are surrounded by that love, I think it will really hit me. Thanks for the love on Face.book and the bloggy and e-mail. I’ve got some great friends.
Tonight heaven welcomed a beautiful woman into its realm. My grandma passed away while my uncle was praying with her and talking about the love of our whole family, and the love of Jesus. He wrote that it was peaceful and told my dad that it was one of the most sacred things he’s ever seen. Although we’ve all been expecting this day to come, it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m happy that she’s not in pain anymore, but will miss her desperately. I hope that I can keep her memory fresh in Ezekiel’s mind.
Me and Mama Lu
Yesterday I was stuck in a Mean Mama funk. It started when Ezekiel was spazzing out at one of the girls at Katie’s house when I was dropping him off there. After one time out and a couple of tantrums, I was frustrated with Ezekiel and felt my anger levels rising. I went to work and drank some green tea in hopes that I’d be a happier, more refreshed mama when it came time to pick Ez up.
I picked him up and heard/saw where Ezekiel decided to color an “andel” (angel) on their off-white carpet in light green marker. Delightful. What made him decide to do that, no one will know. We got home, and as soon as we walked in the door, Ezekiel did something that resulted in me disciplining him. After lunch I laid him down for a nap and we had a little talk about what he would and wouldn’t do during his naptime. Forty-five minutes later I checked on a noise I heard coming from his room where I found that he had chosen to break each rule I’d set for his naptime. I lost it. Mean Mama came out in full force. I felt like a super crappy person and the rest of the afternoon was not good. Dave was, of course, incredibly gracious and encouraging to me, but I still feel like a crappy person. I felt like I did in the first few months when Ezekiel came home and I had a hard adjustment to everything.
I think what makes me feel crappy about it is that I know there are people out there who would give anything to be in my place. Maybe they’ve lost babies or desperately want to be parents. I know every parents has days like this. I’m glad that today is a new day. A new day that includes a holiday party for work with a couple of cocktails, supper and a comedian.
