I have a totally different word I would have used in the title of this post, but since this is a family-friendly blog, I censored. Yesterday was a day from hell. It helped to read all of your comments today, because yesterday was so hard, and this morning hasn’t been dandy by any means. Sorry, this is going to be quite a downer of a post.
After the breakfast-table-clearing incident yesterday, we actually had a pretty good morning. We packed Eze up in the sling (after a meltdown of being put in it, then getting him happy to be in it), and went to the Ali Mall across the street and ShoeMart. He took an early nap after being up early that morning. He fell down and got his first big goose egg with us, but we were able to calm him down pretty quickly.
Some friends of ours who used to live here asked if we’d be able to bring a box of their belongings back to the States with us. We were glad to do it, and so their friend Abbie dropped off the box at the hotel in the early afternoon. She stayed and visited for a while, and Ezekiel played in the living room with all of us while we chatted. After she left, we thought we’d go swimming. But when I came out of the bedroom with my shoes and swim cover up on, Ezekiel started having a huge meltdown. I tried holding him for about 15 minutes trying to calm him down, but he just screamed bloody murder the whole time. I finally got him to take his dede (bottle of milk), and that calmed him. But he wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the day when I tried to talk or play with him. He only wanted his daddy, and we noticed that he was very fake with us – fake smile, fake laugh, trying to dominate the play time, eating time, all of the time.
At bedtime we had another meltdown when it was time to stop playing with toys and go to bed. We ended up sitting on the floor while Ezekiel laid in between us, and it took a good 20-30 minutes for him to calm down. He fell asleep around 8 and we went to be not too shortly after. We were woken by his blood-curdling screams an hour and a half later. I was convinced that it was 3:30 in the morning because I read the 9 wrong on the clock. He was writhing in pain, and his belly was very big. He hadn’t pooped since we got him on Monday, so we had a feeling he needed some help clearing his bowels. We called everyone we could think of – people at our agency, my dad, and then finally we decided to call Abbie (who dropped off the box) and her husband Matt. They helped us realize that it was only 9:30 at night, and they offered to drive over to our hotel and bring all of us to the airport. PRAISE THE LORD. They were absolutely an answer to prayer last night.
We got to the hospital and the checked out Ezekiel right away (way quicker than an American hospital would have been). They got him ino x-rays, and Dave and I had to hold down his arms and legs while they took the x-rays. The readings came back 30 minutes later, and he had lots of poo backed up in his system. They gave him a rectal exam and a fleet enema. Our poor baby, he was a wreck, but we were there to comfort him. Matt and Abbie bought an internet card so that they could e-mail my cousin who they know from when she lived here, and Dave could Skype my dad to let him know what happened.
We got back to the hotel around 1:30, and Ezekiel again cried when told that it was bedtime, and not playtime. We finally got him down, and I cried and cried and cried. I got about 3 more hours of sleep, and am completely exhausted today. This morning Ezekiel has a very flat look on his face, and will only do his fake smile and laugh with us. I’m scared for another repeat of yesterday and it makes me almost cry as I think about it. We are also switching hotels today, which we know will be hard on Eze. However, we are not liking the hotel we are at right now, and are really looking forward to the switch. The last straw from this hotel was that they wouldn’t put Karin from Hand in Hand through to our room for 45 minutes after she got our message. I am so ready to be home, I can’t even describe it. I don’t think that we’ll get the shopping done that we wanted to on this trip, and that makes me sad.
Can I really do this??? I don’t know. It’s so so so hard. I am really wishing we had brought my mom along on our trip as moral support. We are meeting up with another adoptive family at this other hotel sometime tomorrow, so hopefully that will help. Thanks for the prayers and encouragement, prayers were answered in such an amazing way last night. Again, no editing. Sorry for any typos.
Filipino Bambino 
What a rough day for all of you! Yikes! Thinking and praying for you!
Pam in NH
Take a deep breath!
You are an amazing mother and Dave is an amazing father. Just hang in there. You will be home soon to your support system and things will start to go much smoother. You will be fine. Chris tells me all the time when I am getting overwhelmed “baby steps Buttercup, Baby Steps”. I am going to pass that to you. It will take small steps. Eze needs to get used to you being his caregiver and you need to get used to being the caregiver. I know we all envision all of this happening overnight, but it takes time! Baby steps Rachel, Baby Steps. Be patient with yourself as you are taking on this new roll. It will all be alright. You are a strong person and I promise you can do this. Remember that we are all here praying for you and thinking of you, we know you can do this! Keep it up, it will just take time. So much love for you all…. Cassie
Rachel,
Remember when you were a little girl and you said, “I can’t do this” I would say, “you can do this and sometimes I’m sure I said,” YOU WILL DO THIS” But Rachel you are a beautiful woman who is a great mom. You will be able to do this but be patient with yourself and don’t expect perfection. I love you,
Mom
You are feeling what every new mom feels. Sure it’s different since Eze is older than a newborn. I was a complete wreck when my daughter was born. She cried non stop and I didnt know how I was ever going to make it. But once you get to know each other better, you’ll be the best mom he could ever ask for.
Hey Sisser-Friend:
Remember when I had M and she was dehydrated? We had to take her to the emergency room less than 24 hours after having her. I was told I had to supplement and I thought I was this huge failure. Rach, you know as well as I that I wasn’t then, nor am I today, a failure… and neither are you honey. You are going to do great at this. This is something so new, there is no doubt that it is a shock to your system. And he isn’t just this little baby you can walk away from when his tears get too hard to bear. (you can do that with newborns) But I know our faithful God made you for such a day… and many other difficult ones. He put the ability and gift to be a wonderful parent inside you, just like he did with Dave. I’ll keep praying that when you cry, you cry out to Him… He won’t fail you. And as the old saying goes: “sleep when he sleeps.” (you always hate the sayings that turn out to be truths)
I love you so much, I am so proud of you, I am sitting here with anticipation, and I really miss you.
God’s Abundant Blessings,
C
PS> Did you pack some vitamins? I hear iron is the new methamphetamine 😉
Oh deary!
I hear you all the way! Brandon is starting to go through that phase at home at times. I think every child goes through it. Today is day 4 of only one hour a night of sleep. I have a cold/flu and really stressed but somehow, some way, as moms we find that strength and energy when we didn’t know it existed. You are finding yours! It will get better. Have faith…but know that FAITH makes things possible…not easy! Blessings and prayers for better days ahead.
Rachael & Dave,
Praying for both of you that God will give you the strength you need. Our social worker told us bonding is hard work as I’m sure yours did, too, but God will see you through. He created both of you as Ezekiel’s parents and He will see you through the bonding and life-long parenting. Continued prayers are with you!
Tammy
Hello Dave and Rachel,
This is so tough! Your family and friends have really covered it. I’m so sure you are a great mom and dad! God created you two for Eze and Eze for you. It will happen. We will continue to pray you through this transition. Deep Breaths Rachel!! You all are so loved!!!!!
ginger
Hey Rach
There are some great post here and since I’m using your computer, I come up as you!! I talked to Dori and she said the Intercontinental is very, very nice. you will love it there. I love you
Mom
Hang in there. Believe me I know how hard it can be. The whole attachement thing just freaked the heck out of me all the time for the first few months. I worried about everything. Just keep trying to play and make eye contact. Also just keep comforting the little one as much as he will let you. Realize that he may need space at first. Everything is new to him and can be very overstimulating. We had to really watch what we did with Kaden the first month b/c he could get overstimulated very easily. I know this is hard but I promise you it does get easier. For us it took about 2 months before I really felt like things were getting easier. The adjustment was way harder than I ever expected but it is so worth it. You guys will start to attach and see progress but I know it is very hard in the beginning.
While being a mother you will have many days like you have just experienced, but there will be so many others that are pure joy. I am sure exhaustion is part of what you are feeling since you had very little time to deal with the time change before meeting your little man. Rest as much as you can and take it one minute at a time. You can do this and it will be so worth it. You are in my prayers tonight!!!
I’m so sorry you guys are having such a hard time. I can’t imagine what it’s like for this trip not to be the way you expected it to be. I pray that God will show you how to work with Ezekiel to make him the most comfortable he can be. And, I pray that he will come to trust you very quickly. I’m so glad that you finally have your baby, I hope things start to turn around quickly. And, YES, you CAN do it! You will be great. You just have a lot of catching up to do with Eze…he’s needed you loving on him for a long time and it will take awhile before he will let himself be loved by you completely. Just be patient with him.
Hi Rach,
Have been thinking about you a lot and are continuing to lift you up during this time. So thankful that Matt and Abbie were able to help you out. Aren’t they wonderful?!?
Just wanted to let you know that we had a lot of these days with Nica when we had her…there were times where we would just look at her as she wreaked havoc on the house or screamed bloody murder… There were a few times where we just let her cry (something that is not Asian and doesn’t happen in orphanages…children are quickly told to stop crying). The way we saw it…she had a lot of frustration built up (even if they may not completely know the situation – I believe kids grieve the loss of their birth parents), with so much to adjust to and being so overwhelmed and feeling like she couldn’t communicate well with us…she had a lot to get out…but it was usually better after she had a good cry (I would always sit in the room with her so she could see me and was always ready to be there for her when she wanted). So, just a thought… we made it through and I am positive that you will too. You are his parents and will handle things much differently than the workers at the orphanage, I am sure you are doing a great job and Eze will adjust in time.
We continue to think of you so much and are thankful that Dad has planned this all and will bring you through. Love you, Tyler
Rachel & David,
You have a great support group here. Know that in time, patience, and the good Lords help, you will make it through this . You have so much love for Eze and he will feel it soon and it will take time. This is hard to do but just relax and enjoy him as this is sooo new to him and you both.
We love you and keep the faith.
Love ya
Just wanted to let you know that I am praying for all of you. You all will be fine, just takes time and a whole lot of love, which you both are giving. Praying all the time!!!
Keep reminding youself that it’s a day from God. He knew all this was going to happen before you arrived there. Tag team so you both don’t wear out! Ezekiel will start to see love and peace in your faces. We’re praying for wisdom and patience for you. It’s got to be so difficult. I can’t imagine what it’s like.
Hang in there! You have so many people praying for you- standing behind you. Just breathe…….. 🙂
You more than can and are doing it. Hang in there and keep believing and praying. How do you know a good day if you haven’t had a bad one?
I’m thinking about you guys and even though it may be tough right now, things will get better. You can do this! Take care and I hope that Eze is feeling better soon.
I should just say “ditto” 18 times! Your friends and family have already said it best. Here’s one more person praying for you. Have faith in yourselves… even through the rough parts!
Rachel,
This too shall pass…..
Expectations are killers! I am sure that you both had this incredible vision of how this trip would go. And, it can be so disappointing when something that you have dreamt of for so long doesn’t go as you anticipated. We are all praying for you…all three of you…
Being a parent is the most challenging thing in the world…and the most rewarding. You are jumping into it with a child that hasn’t had the privledge of knowing unconditional love in a family setting. It is not going to be easy…but I promise you that it will be worth it! When you get home I am confident that things will get easier and you will get into a routine. Don’t expect too much of yourself…just try to take it as it comes. Humor does wonders for parenting….sometimes all you can do is sit back and laugh…and remember…this too shall pass!
We LOVE you!
Hey Dave and Rachel~ I have been thinking about you SO much and have complete and utter faith that you are great parents. You’ll be just fine — and so will Ezekiel! Love you guys. I can’t wait to come visit you after you’re home. Blessings and hugs~!
Rachel,
I cried a few times in China….and felt the very same way you are now! The first week home Ben would only sleep if he was sleeping ON TOP of one of us. Like the other posts here say, it is baby steps and takes a lot of time and patience. It is so not easy…but you will get thru it. I missed MN so much! I know that feeling. I was scared too…but like you mom said (and her words are wise) you WILL do it! You will be home so very soon surrounded by your family who love you all so much!
P.S if anyone knows the password so I can view the pictures could you email it to me at kimberleysuchta@yahoo.com ? I am so anxious to see the pictures of that beautiful boy. Thank you!
P.S Rachel, you probably already know this but constipation and also diahhrea are a very common thing to happen with children in Eze’s situation. Ben had diahhrea just horrible. Not fun on a 13 hr plane ride. But just wanted to make you feel a little better about that…it is something that happens to them as they deal with the stress. You are so blessed to have had a good hospital.
Rachel,
I’d love to see your pics of Ezekiel. If you want to share, email me at dr.ecorbin@gmail.com. I hope things are going better for you guys!
Erin
Rachel and Dave — I’m really hoping you are doing better and would love an update. I don’t have the password so can’t access the protected entries. Please email me at minnesota@hihiadopt.org to let me know you are doing well. Praying you safely home…
Karin
Pingback: –have you ever encountered this? « BAHAY KUBO ~ of True Love and Homegrown Tomatoes
Pingback: Questions Answered « Dave, Rachel and Ezekiel’s Adoption Adventure