Toenail Club and Q&A

Yesterday my co-worker welcomed me to the bruised-toenail-and-blistered-toes-because-of-running club. The toenail on the second toe of my left foot is bruised and starting to pull away from the top of my toe. He warned me that my toenail might fall off. Gross, I know. I took a picture, but figured some people hate feet, so I wouldn’t post it. Plus my feet are in desperate need of a pedicure, which I plan on getting in the next couple of weeks before my sister’s wedding reception. Can they still do a pedicure if my toenail really does fall off? Hmmm…

To stay on the topic of gross things, Ezekiel’s diapers have smelled like vomit mixed with poo lately. This boy CANNOT handle sugar and/or chocolate. He acts like a hormonal teenager and has nasty diapers for days afterward. It could also be the top left molar that is starting to poke through his gums, but whatever it is, it is nastiness. Aren’t you glad I shared?

Okay, I’ve had a couple of people e-mail me questions, and I still haven’t answered them. It’s been a couple of months. I feel like a bad bloggy friend. I figured instead of answering over e-mail, I’d answer over the blog. So here goes…

Your blog posts mention that your house was quiet, neat, clean,
peaceful before Eze came along, and you described yourself as a
homebody…this pretty much describes our life…no kids, happy,
peaceful marriage, quiet home, love to be home. In a million ways I
look forward to spending time with a little one, to the joy and
laughter that will enter our home, but I also worry about making the
adjustment, in a sleep deprived state, to a noisy toddler, who
provides constant stimulation. Do you have any advice?

Some moments I miss my quiet and clean house, but I have to say that those moments aren’t as often as they used to be. I quit worrying so much about what people think of my house when they come over. I have a friend who drops by some nights when she needs to chat, and the last time she came over she could barely walk through my living room because it was so cluttered with toys. I didn’t even notice it until she left, and realized I didn’t feel bad about it because I knew she understood. Most people will understand why you’re house looks like a toddler tornado came through. I find little pockets of time to get my deep cleaning done, and usually have Eze “help” me by giving him his own rag or play vacuum. And he LOVES to be just like mommy and daddy. He also loves putting things in their places, so he always helps us pick up each night (it is part of his nighttime routine). I’m hoping he’ll always love cleaning as much as he does right now It’s amazing how much more often the house needs cleaning now that we’re home so much more. No matter what, my house will never be as clean as it probably should be. I don’t love cleaning – I’ll always find something else to do first.

And regarding keeping up with Ezekiel? I am still surprised each day at just how much energy I have when I’m with him. I thought I’d be a lot more tired getting less sleep and having so much more responsibility. Maybe it’s the running I’ve been doing, but I truly think his energy rubs off on me each day. And I’ve finally learned that it’s okay to tell him to go play by himself if I need to lay down on the couch for a few minutes to regain some energy. I think that’s one thing that I really needed to do – cut myself more slack. I was worried about keeping him entertained at all times, and I was exhausting myself. Now I’m not so worried about it because I know he needs his alone play time just as much as I need my alone time. It’s something we all have to learn.

Dave and I don’t get out alone nearly as much as we should. Now that Eze’s been home 6 months, we’re feeling like we’re ready to do this more often, and leave him with a family member or good friend. And we know that after he’s been home for a year, we’ll finally be ready for a good high school-aged babysitter to come in and watch him. It’s hard to bring him to someone’s house right now for him to be watched because of his nap and bedtime schedule (this boy loves and needs his sleep). We don’t know many people who live close by who could come over to our house to watch him in order to put him down for naps/sleeping at our house, plus we’re not very good at asking for help. So for now we are going to plan our dates around sleeping times.

I’ve also received varying advice on reading a lot of attachment
books. Some people have said not to read certain titles because of the
negative, scary, worst-case-scenario approach. I’m a researcher by
profession, and my inclination is to read tons of toddler attachement
books, but I could see myself becoming really afraid, psyched out,
discouraged, etc. by the horror stories of failed attempts at
attachment that might be in these books. Did you find any books to
have a more positive spin on the subject? How did you stop yourself
from going crazy with anxiety about the attachment issue?

I am definitely not a researcher by nature. I have to force myself to research things before I go out and do them, and usually I just go out there and try it, and learn by trial and error. And while I did read a little bit before we brought Ezekiel home, I found that the books made a lot more sense after we brought him home. Especially the book “Toddler Adoption” by Hopkins-Best. I tried reading it before Ezekiel came home, and just couldn’t get past the first couple of chapters. After Ezekiel came home, I devoured that book and even read it twice in one week. It was exactly what I needed right after we brought him home. Other books I liked very much were “Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections” by MacLeod and Macrae, as well as “Raising Adopted Children” by Melina.