Family Day

Today we had both of our families over to our house so that we could share with them some of the things we’ve learned in our adoption classes, and through the books that we’ve been reading on adoption. We wanted to ensure that no one was left in the dark when it came to our strategies on attaching and bonding with Ezekiel, what it will look like when we bring him home, language development, etc.

 

I was very nervous about teaching everyone what we’ve learned. Not only because I don’t like speaking in front of groups, but also because of some other stuff going on. I have been working on what I was going to say today for the past few weeks, but only practiced it once in the car with Dave. It ended up going pretty smooth! Our families participated really well, and there was some very good discussion around the different issues we raised. Here was what we talked about (the shortened version):

Dave opened the day in prayer. Then I went through an overview of what the adoption process looks like from here on out. I explained to them that we could possibly be waiting 2 to 4 to even 6 more months. I asked them to pray for us that the wait would be on the short side. I opened the day by talking about issues of racism, and things we will encounter by adopting transracially. Karin at Hand in Hand gave us a great questionnaire to ponder that touched on issues of how we feel about our family becoming inter-racial, educating ourselves about other cultures, and putting ourselves into Ezekiel’s shoes by becoming a minority. We gave the same questionnaire to our families, and it led to some great discussion.

Next we talked about language development and using positive adoption language. I explained to them that before setting out on the road to adopt Ezekiel, I had no idea that it was incorrect to say “natural child”, or “real parents”. These terms indicate that adoptive relationships are artificial or temporary. We won’t freak out if someone else uses that language around us, we just use the appropriate language when we answer their questions. We explained how Ezekiel needs to hear his birth story and details about his history from us, and that is why we have chosen not to share details about his birthparents, and why they chose adoption for Ezekiel. It is such a private and precious part of his life that it’s important that he hears it from us – his parents.

We went on to talk about attachment and bonding, and what healthy and unhealthy cycles of attachment look like. We explained that because Ezekiel has spent much of his life in an orphanage, there is a lot of catching up that needs to be done in order for him to build attachment with us. I explained that our strategies are going to be to keep things low-key when we first get home. No welcoming party at the airport or at our house. We read a phenomenal excerpt from the book Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections. It gives a new perspective to people wondering what our children who went from birthparent to caregiver to adoptive parents have gone through. It’s a long story, so I won’t write it out here, but I will encourage any of you to read through that book. I have found some GREAT information in there. And it’s an easier read than some other adoption books we’ve bought.

We also threw in some trivia questions today, which were fun. Here are the questions we asked:

-How many islands does the Philippines consist of?

-Which colors are on the Philippine flag? (I think I forgot to ask this one)

-What are the two main languages of the Philippines?

-What is Ezekiel’s middle name?

We also put together a word match with Tagalog words on one side, and English words on the other side. People had to match up as many as they could. Good times!

 

I’m pooped out now, so we’ve been vegging this evening. We both have headaches, and aren’t feeling great. We’re going to watch a movie and have our own little pizza party with a frozen pizza. And enjoy a relaxing long weekend!!